The last couple of months have been quite tempestuous for me. One can always feel the storm and turbulence it brings along within, when it’s anything to do with fulfilment. If you are not happy, whatever be the reason, it’s bound to convulse your mind. It keeps going back to that issue. No matter what starting point of your argument is, subsequent arguments are framed to your line of thinking and you reach the same conclusion yet again but with increasing intensity.
My situation took me to extremes; there was hardly a moment when I was thinking of something else. It almost paralyses you, so much so that I took a complete break from the situation. I then revisited the challenge. The question haunts and pounds heavily. If it’s not that intense it’s not a big real problem. One also needs to stay comfortable in that uncomfortable zone. That zone could run into days and weeks. The violent shake and prolonged stay in that zone helps one carry out some real introspection. You then cannot afford to stay at the surface. You are forced to peel off layers and the process reveals deep insights. And those insights are priceless. Traditionally held notions are tossed and ones appeared to be on sitting on periphery make their value felt and emerge stronger. Overall you are able to differentiate between variables basis what is truly important and of value.
In this ‘mansik manthan (mental churn)’, I learnt a lot. I came out awakened and alive to myself, my loved ones and my friends. It reminds me of the ‘Samudra Manthan (churning the ocean)’ talked about in Puranas. I always saw that as pass-time folklore. I am now able to better appreciate what our forefathers were trying to convey. The jewels which manthan released were nothing but insights. The ultimate output couldn’t have been anything else but Halahala (most lethal poison), which is akin to succumbing to the thoughts and sliding into depression or Amrita (nectar of immortality), which I think is ‘absolute clarity’ or ‘truth’. ‘Truth’ and only ‘truth’ has the power to stay immortal.
The biggest of all insights was value of my relationships. Relationships I took it as granted and at times ignored - what it means and how important it is in my scheme of life. The experience helped me re-value them. I was able to see through clearly what it meant. It made giving up big money and title a simple affair.
It was also about the confidence on oneself, the power and strength to stick to the truth, irrespective how you get perceived at that point, the conviction in the immortality of the Truth and act on it. In my case it was about entering into a new relationship. I could not have started on false foundation and still believe that it would take me far. Staying with truth brought me inner peace, which is immeasurably more important than anything else. Staying with truth helped me stay comfortable with trade-offs and not repent, then or ever. Stay with Truth helps you hear ‘the inner voice’.
Life of Truth is life fulfilled. My Manthan, my Amrita.